You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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