Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
