i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
high people should be assigned attendants
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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