Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
