Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
