Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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