just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
