fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
