my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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