after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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