i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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