if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
