Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
