It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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