Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
