you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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