if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
