dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it penis luge time yet?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
