After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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