umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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