The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
even my farts smell like vagina
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
