Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
