I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
