i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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