Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
