Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
