I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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