i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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