from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is my gift to your gina
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
