I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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