I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
