I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
