hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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