Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
