I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
