how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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