So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
