I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
