I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there's paper in my vomit.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
