you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
