i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to make out with him forever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
