fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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