he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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