I hate all girls vehemently.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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