i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
