my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
