Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
