I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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