you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
