I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
