Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
