You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
