you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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