If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
