at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
