We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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