he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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