i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
