The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
