I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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