The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
