i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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