You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
