I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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