watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
